Death to the Stars
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Twenty years after the First Contact War, an asari accepts a drink from a handsome human stranger. Just a simple drink. What could possibly go wrong? More than you know. That drink will lead to unseen consequences for both their races, and perhaps just bring death to the stars themselves. Because a harvest is coming, and the end is near... NarutoxTevos. Crackish, humour, language.


**A/N: Alright ladies and gentlmen, good news and bad news. Good news first. I'm fresh out of my SECOND surgery-hurts like hell!-and I'm back again! I've been on an updating spree as of late, and finally had time to answer a request. ****I managed to put this up here at points between the forced anesthetic. Bad news is I still have more surgeries ahead and I recently caught an infection in the form of the flu. Still, I'm feeling a bit better now. Really. ****I'm hanging tough though, having just come out of my first surgery...with two more to go! UUUUUGH! I'm on painkillers almost daily and I feel like crap, as to that effect. But nevertheless, despite this pesky little hiccup-I wanted to get word out any way I could, and since for some strange reason the site is being buggy, I wasnt able to work on this anywhere near as much as I would've liked. **

**Still...I'm alive. And good news! Today's my birthday! I'm officially twenty-four years old! Hehehe XD So...**

**...away we go!**

_"All debts **will** be paid._

_~?_

**Prologue**

In all her years as Asari Councilor of the Citadel- nay, perhaps, in her entire _lifetime_ Tevos had never blacked out before. Granted she was no stranger to violence, having claimed her current role after taking down her corrupt predeccessor some centuries before, but this...Tevos couldn't even find the words for it. It was as if last night simply did not exist. Memories were slow in coming back to her; she dimly recalled preparing what would have been a damning rebuttal on the part of some scandal or another. She couldn't recall the specifics. The last thing she remembered was a dashing young human offering her a drink, and then nothing. Any of her attempts to recall the events of last night beyond that were met with blinding agony in the base of her skull. It could best be described as a...

_Hangover._

She'd drunk her fair share of drinks before, but she couldn't recall the last time someone had been able to drink her under the table.

"By the Goddess my _head..."_ Tevos groaned at the sound of her own voice and scratched her head tentacles. A dull explosion resounded somewhere beyond her range of vision; she prayed it was just her imaginations, playing tricks on her, because if it wasn't...

Within this very moment, all she knew was the lingering taste of Asari wine on her tongue and the pounding headache in her ears like the drums of a great hunt out for her blood. It certainly didn't help that she was all but naked, her violet body bare as the day she'd been born into this world. Wait-if she wasn't wearing anything, then where were her-ah. A percursory glance confirmed that her clothes were indeed scattered all across the bedroom floor; well that certainly didn't leave much to the imagination.

Somewhere beyond she could hear the sounds of shuffling footseps on the floor, the occasional grunt of exertion as her supposed bedmate set himself to whatever he was doing.

"Good morning, councilor." The voice of her VI chimed from the nearby desk, "As per your earlier instructions, I have granted _Captain_ Naruto access to the arms locker."

_"What?"_

Tevos bolted upright with a start, just in time for the sharp crack of a gunshot to fill her ears, immediately followed by a squeal of pain. Only slightly muffled by the door, the sound sent shivers shooting down her spine, a tingle of dread worming its way through her lungs and into her heart. What the devil was going on back there...?

Snagging a seamless white robe from a nearby rack, the Asari gathered herself up, snatched up the pistol she always kept concealed beneath her pillows, and made her way to the high-security door that separated her bedroom from the rest of her apartment. A few swift strokes across the keypad sent the panel whisking backwards, exposing her to the open air of her quarters.

What she saw there caused her violet face to darken in anger, her normally placid expression turning thunderous as she beheld the sordid state of her living room.

_Her home was in shambles._ The scope of it was unreal. Entire portions of the floor had been scorched by flames by heavy weapons; sizeable chunks of the ceiling were missing where someone had blasted their way into her home, doubtlessly rappelled their way in before being dealt with. That she'd slept through it was something of a small miracle. Or had it occurred last night, during their drunken debauchery? Somehow the idea that it might be former-that the sordid state of her quarters might be her own fault-galled Tevos more than anything else. Everything was in shambles, beyond her room she couldn't see anything that hadn't been dented-or shattered or outright broken.

A stray glance confirmed her private extranet terminal was a smoldering ruin as well. But that wasn't even the half of it; that was when she saw the corpses.

"Goddess...

Roughly a dozen bodies littered the floors and walls, some ground to gory smears, others missing entire arms and legs. In some cases even heads had gone missing, remarkably intact despite the catastrophe that had claimed her room. She'd expected them to be human; this was after all, nearly the _twentieth _anniversay of the First Contact War. But not a single one amongst them bore that distinction. She could see a salarian crumpled down a few yards out amidst the carnage, distinguishable only by the horns of his head. And was that an Asari over yonder? Strange. Stranger still was the krogan she saw crumpled in the corner; it looked as though someone had quite literally beaten his brains in. No mean feat, considering their armored hides.

That was when she saw it.

Each and every one of these so-called guns for hire, from that eviscerated salarian to the crushed krogan, wore uniforms. But not just any unfiforms. _Blue and white uniforms. T_hat distinct paint-job belonged to a very specific brand of merc, one that had no business being her on the Citadel. _Blue Suns. _Tevos stilled in her strides, torn between announcing her prescence and once more wondering what the hell was going on here. Yet it was the burning desire for knowledge that won out in the end, and she found herself taking refuge behin the couuch.

What were they doing here? Tevos knew for a fact that this particular gang tended to operate out of the Terminus Systems, not in council space. Evidently they'd decided to pay a visit to the Citadel...

One such mercenary was still alive, a garrish looking turian feebly trying crawl away from the slaughter of his comrades. Looked as though he might make it, too. At least it did, until a biotic pulse flew out of nowhere to _throw_ him halfway across the room through a chandelier and down up a flight of stairs, bringing him that much closer to Tevos's position. He lay for what felt like an eternity, groaning, struggling to rise, to claw his way across the carpet to freedom. He almost made it. But that whas when it happend.

Something heavy and unseen slammed down into his back, pinning him to the floor.

"An where the hell do ya think yer going?" A rough voice hissed out of the empty room, the words sending a tingle of familiarity shooting down the Asari's spine.

Tevos poked her head out cover just long enough to try and catch a glimpse out of the one who had spoken.

Currently the one responsible for this onesided massacre_-and quite possibly her life-_could now be seen reclining against the far wall of her apartment, his lightly armored body slowly emerging from a well-placed tactical cloak. A single glance confirmed that this was, in fact, the human she'd shared a drink with last night. Only he hadn't been wearing armor then. It was a mesmerizing sight all things considered; the sapphire and saffron plates meshing with his slender form, contrasting sharply withing his blond hair. An infiltrator, then? But that had clearly been a display of biotics just now...

"Leave me the hell alone!" The turian growled, but his words were lacking in rancour.

"I didn't hear you say please."

Bright blue eyes glittered with wry amusement, those whiskered cheeks pulled taut in a smile he couldn't quite keep off his face as he leaned forward, applying pressure to the victim. He seemed perversely pleased with himself as he pushed off the wall, allowing his captive to try and squirm free. A swift boot to the ribs disaibused it of that notion in an instant, leaving the avian-like alien writhing in pain. Before he could think to try and fight back, that same boot pressed down on his throat, denting the armor and crushing into his larynx.

"Please!" The turian begged, his earlier bravado evaporating as his oyxgen dwindled. "It was just a job! I didn't know it was you! I swear! I-I won't do it again!" His words were rewarded as the heel was taken from his neck. His relief soon proved to be short-lived, however.

"No," Tevos froze as he the man levered his pistol-a Carnifex by the look of it-and pressed it's barrel to the Turian's forehead. "You won't." Its safety clicked off, a quiet percursor of what was to come. "You got any last words, Glavus, or are you just going to squeal? Ya have until the count of three. One."

Apparently, the turian known as Glavus _did_ have last words. Tevos listened intently, her attention never wavering from the mercenary and his captive.

"You can't do this to me, kid! Remember all the good times we had!"

"Can, and will." the man quietly replied, his composure never wavering, the gun never leaving the turian's headplate, even for an instant. "Two."

"I told you about Vido!" He was pleading now, his voice piquing, rising with distress. "Where he was! That _has_ to count for something!"

A muscle jumped in the blonde's jaw.

"Yeah, and I'm sure Zaeed'll put some flowers on yer grave when he gets finished killing him. And on that note..._three."_

The turian's mandibles started to twitch, feeling that he knew what was coming next. He closed his eyes, preparing himself for the immediatey of pistol fire, but immediately felt pain coming from his left leg, the target of one lone shot. He cried in agony, tilting over as his leg gave out, unable to maintain his balance while his arms were restrained. Tevos winced as the blond looked to line up another shot, only to change his mind and pistol-whip the turian into unconcsiousness at the last second. His body slumped to the ground line a boneless hanar and lay there, unmoving.

The mercenary grunted, apparently satisfied with his work.

"Godamn bosh'tet." the drawl of his words had a distinct Japanese quality to them, that was all she noticed before those dazzling blue eyes cut to her, before a smile brightened those dour whiskered cheeks. "Ah, Tevos-chan. I trust you slept well? You'll have to excuse the mess-I'd wanted to clean this up before the authorities arrived but hey what a night, right? Erm, why are you hiding behind the couch?" Belatedly the asari cringed at that remark, realizing she hadn't ducked down back into cover after all. That was why she'd been seen. Now she blanched, his words overtaking her.

By the Goddess, this _had_ happened last night!

Realizing she had nothing to gain by staying hidden, Tevos tentatively stood from her cover.

"Nice robe." that earned a grin from him.

"I...you...what's going on here, exactly?" Tevos sputtered, her normally serene composure abandoning her as she struggled to remember the events of the earlier evening. "What happened last night?"

Impossibly, his smile grew another inch.

"You mean before or after the Ryncol?"

"Ryncol? I can't stand that-" As if to echo her disbelief a second portion of the ceiling caved in, crushing the sofa she'd just stepped away from and showering her in dust. There was a silence-one in which the asari fixed the human with a scathing stare.

"I can pay for that." he answered quickly.

"Not my point!" with that, Tevos's last vestige of self control snapped. "What's going on here?!"

The blond gave her a quizzical glance, indicating the chaos with a feigned shrug.

"So ya really _don't_ remember last night, not at all?" he admonished, feigning pain in his chest. "Oi oi oi, I'm hurt here, babe. Truly." His head cocked aside, he continued to stare at her. "Doesn't the name Naruto ring a bell? Uzumaki? Naruto? No?" He touched one hand to his wrist, summoning forth his omni-tool. "Well, Good thing I took the old man's advice and recorded the whole thing. Did a helluva job showing me the ropes a few years back, so naturallyy, I took his advice and started ta record. At least, I think I did."

"Really." She couldn't help but smile at his attempt at levity.

"Yes, yes, of course I did, it's not like I'm a krogan or some other_...aarrgh!_ Bosh'tet!" Naruto swore virulently as the orange deviced emitted a sound eerily equivalent to a human raspberry. He glanced up seconds later having realized his verbal gaffe. "Oops, sorry about that. When you hang out with quarians for a century or their language tends to rub off on ya, you know?" With that he returned his attention to the tool, determined to set things right.

Frowning, Tevos retreated slightly, keeping her hand on her pistol and her eyes glued to Naruto. He was calm and poised, but his muscles spoke of power ready to move without hesitation. A dangerous man. Was it just her, or did he seem to follow her every moment? Like a predator waiting to pounce.

"Hey, I'm not going to hurt you." He replied, "The Quarian's taught me _some _manners after all.

"Quarians?" Tevos felt she was getting further and further from the truth, but her curiosity was roused nevertheless.

"Did a few favors for 'em in exchange for some tech." He replied, glowering when his tool refused to function once more. "Come on, I can get this thing to _cloak_, but I can't pull up a simple data-feed...aha!" Triumphant at last, he called up what looked like a series of screenshots, taking from his hardsuit computer. "Have a look." With each passing image Tevos felt her corners of her mouth curl into a relieved smile; she hadn't made a fool of herself in public at least; it was only after she took the blond back to her place that she got stone cold drunk...the Blue Suns were a more recent occurrence, arriving only a few minutes before, likely the reasons she'd been roused to begin with.

"And, that's it." Naruto killed the omnitool with a flick of the wrist. "Took the liberty of calling C-sec, they'll probably be here soon-

"Wait."

He paused,

"How do you know the Blue Suns?"

"When you get blasted," he answered in perfect Asari, "thousands of years into the future, you tend to pick up on a few things. I've had a century or two to pick up on a few things. Used to work with them twenty years back, before a...change in management. There's a standing shoot on sight order for me where they concerned. Apparentely they decided to take me out. Again. So, I took them out first. And I've done my part by giving my friend the location of his old partner, so I'll be going. Didn't make any money on this job, either. Gotta keep the creds flowing-

"Wait."

Again he paused, this time a glimmer of annoyance in his eyes.

"What, you wanna another fuck or something?" He laughed. "You'd have to get me really drunk at this hour."

"As much as I'd like that, I have another idea."

"Do tell, love."

Tevos arched what accounted to an eyebrow among her kind, not at the statement, but at the chaos he caused. In an objective light his work was rather...fascinating. If he could wreak this much havoc on three squads of mercenaries alone, he'd make for one hell of a security detail. A private detail of course, and she wasn't quite sure what this business was about him being from the past, but, still...It certainly helped his case that he stood to be easy on the eyes.

"How would to work for me?" she offered.

He laughed then; it was a soft, throaty sound.

"How much ya willin' to pay?"

"Whatever it takes to keep this from happening to anyone else."

His grin would've sent even the most batttle-hardened commando squealing for their mother.

_"Girl, you just got yourself a bodyguard."_

**A/N: And there we go. Just what the hell did "this" Naruto do to make himself so infamous in the Mass Effect universe? I suppose that IS rather obvious isn't it but this is what I was asked to right, and it just seemed more natural to go with a flawed, albeit experienced Naruto rather than a greenhorn freshly arriving in the future, ya know? Having him take up a position as Tevos's bodyguard is going to prove much more than it seems down the road, as you'll soon see...he's going to have quite a sway with things...and as for his relationship with the Asari councilor, well that certainly couldn't hurt now could it? ****I can just imagine Naruto and Zaeed as best buddies in this fic lol expect quite a few changes!**

**So...in the immortal words of Atlas and myelf...**

**...Would you Kindly Review this Story for my Birthday?**

_**R&R! =D**_


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